The Heart Lives On
by Botsey
Summary: In this A/U Spock is not Nyota's first love-as a matter of fact, when they meet she is a widow. Chapter six has been corrected and reposted
1. Chapter 1

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 1

The Spring

Vios I

Present

Nyota sat outside in their 'garden', her head was in her hands. Her tear lined face a study of shiny and dusty tan. She had not entered their bedroom since yesterday. He had barely recognized her. The One who had been her teacher, rock, and her joy was dying.

.

When he regained consciousness, he signaled Kasper who appeared at his bedside. He saw the shock on Kasper's face as he revealed his plan. In his mind it was the only way. He knew she would not be reasonable, she would have to be forcibly removed from his side. Even with his mind clouded with pain, he smiled because of her. Her devotion, her love, her genius, and her beauty.

He was constantly amazed at how she loved him, despite all the reasons she could have chosen not to. For years he had been a confirmed bachelor. That unattached state contributed to his mobility and allowed him to go and search out distant places, after all, he was an archeologist. But, she willingly joined him.

While on the way to this distant place she had accepted his proposal. Surely, it was not the wedding that a person as young as she would have envisioned. But for some strange reason she had packed one dress and that garment became her wedding dress. The ceremony was witnessed by his assistant, Kasper and his wife Joanne. These two persons were strangers to her, she had just met them at orientation. Adding to the unusual set of circumstances was an inexperienced ship captain who stumbled through the vows in his unfamiliar role as 'A Tier of Knots.'

She came to him totally inexperienced and he molded her into the lover of his dreams. Her laughter was like the ringing of wind chimes and so he would often initiate reasons for her to contribute that wonderful sound to their intimacy. For over a year, all was perfect. And then, one morning he found her in tears. When she saw that he had witnessed this she ran off like a frightened animal into the surrounding woods.

Past

Terra

While she was seated on that rock after fleeing from Drevi, she recalled when she met him a little over three years ago, ready and so eager to learn and apply herself in his class in this her fourth year of study at the Academy. He was the senior professor in the science department. Dr. Clurt Zn Drevi, a Betazoid. She always had admired his carriage, he had a military bearing, although he was a civilian. Looking at his unlined face the only indication he was not a young man was the slight graying at the temple which just made him even more handsome.

He entered the room, smiled at the class and teasingly said as he pointed to her, "I have chosen not to know your thoughts today." She was not sure of the look on his face, because her eyes were diverted downward. In areas non-academic she hated to be singled out for anything. Her character could best be described as unrelentingly shy. But intellectually, she was unsurpassed, as this professor soon found out. In the classroom he was able to depend on her to set the pace for the others and then outrun them all to the finish.

Initially Professor Drevi explained to the class the gifts that his species, The Betazoid possessed-empathy and telepathy were inherent. These were nurtured and refined within the family unit while Betazloids were young. Training also included the ruling to be very careful in the use of these gifts, never invading the private thoughts of others without permission. Another interesting fact, his people were one of the few species known that could procreate with any humanoid.

One day when Nyota was seated in the mess hall, a shadow fell across her table, her half eaten food and her ever present book. She looked up and saw her professor looking down at her with a smile, "May I sit here?" was his request. Nyota looked up with her mouth full and nodded. His chair scraped the floor as he pulled it out and deposited his lengthy body into the plastic and stainless steel chair.

"Well Cadet, how are we today?"

Interrupting her reading she looked up and saw he was smiling, "I am fine, Sir. How are you?"

Still amused, he replied, "Fine, and how are you? You see Cadet, how this could become tiresome."

"Yes, Sir."

"Cadet, let me be the first to let you know that your work in my classes is very impressive. All of your instructors confer with my evaluation. Congratulations.

"I have never spoken to you about your aspirations. Would you mind advising me of your future goals?"

She closed her book and met his eyes. "When I was younger I used to drive my mother to distraction, by saying I wanted to be a Star Fleet captain. But, after enrolling I found besides language, my real passion is research. Particularly geology and archeology. I can imagine myself being covered in dust for the rest of my life."

Professor Drevi, nodded, "I see passion in your eyes Cadet. I will see what I can do to help you reach your goal. It was very pleasant talking with you. Keep well."

With that he rose, nodded his head and left.

Nyota looked at his retreating figure and wondered, 'What had precipitated that? She had been in his class for two months and this was the first time he had addressed her as an individual since the first day of class when she had wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

But, she had to admit, he was an excellent instructor. He was detail orientated, and had the ability to simplify the most difficult parts of the course. What she was most grateful for was his humor. When he taught physics, he would change his voice to imitate Einstein, or Newton, or Cocran or even some off-world physicist. He made learning a joy, not a drudgery.

When Nyota left mess, she checked the bulletin board by the department head's office and saw something that caught her eye, an expedition to Reis IV to explore some recently discovered settlement ruins. She noted the perks-transportation, room, board, clothing, extra class credits and allowance. She thought for exactly thirty seconds and proceeded to Dr. Douglas' office and requested an application.

There was a bench in the hallway outside the office, she sat on it, completed the request and submitted it all within fifteen minutes. She decided she would not hold her breath waiting, but, she did live in hope.

Present

Vios I

He finally found her in the place they jokingly referred to as their garden. It contained one straggly tomato bush growing forlornly out of the dust. She had a twig in her hand writing in the dirt.

"Forgive me Clurt, I believe it is a hormonal thing, it will pass."

They sat together, he embraced her, she had her head on his chest and he came to realized how much he had taken from her.

It was within her rights to want a normal life, instead of this forced isolation. Their life should possibly include children, a home, friends. But he had put everything on hiatus, his work here was not yet finished. But he promised himself, he would eventually make it up to her for she deserved better than this. After all, he could always return to teaching at the Academy.

He drew her closer to him and they sat for a while longer. He kissed the top of her head.

"Nyota, I swear I will make it up to you. When we return to Terra we will finally settle down. Have a house, a few children and grow old together. This is my promise to you."


	2. Chapter 2

The Heart Lives On

Chapter Two

The accident, the freakish accident occurred just one week later. He and Kasper had spotted what appeared to be a cave entrance above them on the rock face. He would climb to the entrance and lower any artifacts down to Kasper after documenting their placement. He had done it hundreds of times before. This time was different, whether it was the rope or the pulley something gave way and he bounced off the rock face with such force he heard his leg bone crack. He moaned in pain as he landed on the same injured limb at the bottom of the cliff face.

Kasper's face mirrored his concern, "Clurt, this is indeed very grave," was his correct assumption. What he was able to observe himself was a cracked exposed bone and heavy bleeding. Kasper's medical training was limited. He knew he would have to set the bone and close the wound. It was a textbook treatment, a subspace call would give needed verbal assistance and Joann would have to aid Kasper. He knew his Nyota would not be able to assist in her emotionally compromised state. He would hope for the best.

That hope was not realized. The medical supplies available were sufficient, but the hands to carry out the treatment were inadequate.

Despite the seriousness of the situation Clurt and Kasper knew that part of the agreement associated with their assignment was they were to avoid, at all cost, physical contact with the settlement. The Federation wanted it to to develop at its own pace. Their lack of association with any outsiders would allow them to create, and invent according to their unique needs. Isolation was part of their prime directive.

0000000

Vios I

In Clurt's sickroom

Clurt had instructed Kasper,

"Bring me all reminders of our life together. I will leave nothing that could cause her mind to be niggled by their discovery. Pictures, her dress, our rings. Clear out our living space. Bring it to me after I have talked to my wife."

Vios I

In the Garden

Kasper's voice brought her out of her revere.

"He is awake Nyota, he wants to see you."

She stood up and attempted to remove all remnants of her tears from her dusty face. The effort was transparent, her face now featured alternating dusty and clear patches. She smoothed down her clothing and took a deep breath and hesitatingly walked toward the encampment.

She went to his bed and lowered herself to her knees and placed her head next to him, her palms on his slightly moving chest.

Clurt reached over and caressed her hair.

"Nyota look at me."

Her head shook in the negative.

Gently tugging her chin upward their eyes met.

"I have loved you with all my being beloved, but we are both scientist and know the meaning of inevitability, eventuality. Mine is before me. Kasper examined my leg this morning and gangrene has set in. I will not recover. I have accepted that.

What I cannot accept is how I have cheated you. You could have led a normal life without me."

"No, no, Clurt I would have followed you anywhere."

"Don't you know that I was aware of that. Certainly I should have protected you from what is ahead. I should have protected myself so that we could have spent our entire lives together. It was a selfish act on my part to bring you here far away from help in the case of an accident such as has occurred. My only consolation is that it is not you lying here. For I would never have been able to forgive myself, if that were the case."

He pulled her to him and he held on for a lingering kiss. and he thought, 'she will not remember this.'

He now continued, "I am now prepared to make things right."

With those words he rendered his wife unconscious, entered her mind and removed all traces of their relationship from her memory and stored them in an area of her brain that he knew would be inaccessible to her conscious thoughts.

Kasper entered laden with the requested items.

"These will go up in the fire. Nothing will be left. I will not provide a meal for the beast of this planet, I will join with the cosmos in my base state, carbon.

Kasper handed his friend a glass of water and watched as he took a handful of pills. The phaser was by his side. He would place it on overload with his last conscious thought.

JoAnn stood in the doorway with tears running down her cheeks. He read her thoughts…

"Yes, yes, it has been an adventure. You have all the PAADs?"

She nodded.

As if voicing his own epitaph he said, "My life has not been a waste. I have contributed to research and study, which was my life's aim. I have basked in the love of an extraordinary woman who I now leave in your charge. Please help her, be careful what is revealed to her, she is fragile. I have relegated our personal lives together to a place in her mind that she cannot reach. Kasper you must carry her to the craft because she will not regain consciousness for another fifteen or twenty minutes. That should allow you distance before this place goes up in smoke."

There was a slight smile, "What I will do now is a very logical thing when I strip it clean of all emotion." Then with a chuckle he said, "I almost sound like a Vulcan."

Returning to a serious face he continued, "Kasper, now swear to me!"

Depositing the retrieved articles at the foot of the bed, Kasper said,

"Drevi, all will be done as you wish. Good-bye my old friend.".

With tears in his eyes Kasper embraced him.

Drevi said,

"Hurry, for the pain is becoming unbearable."

Kasper bowed his head and gently picked up Drevi's once conscious heartbroken wife and exited the structure.

From his bed Drevi listened to the retreating sounds of their departure and with the few brief minutes left to him he remembered his Nyota. The way she looked on their wedding day, her shinning hopeful eyes and then…

They rushed to the shuttle craft and strapped in, just as they lifted off they heard the explosion and Joanne sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Usually disclaimers apply.

Dear Readers:

This chapter serves as a bridge exploring the beginning of Clurt's efforts to get Nyota's 'attention' as per instructions from Capt Pike.

As the story progresses, you will come to understand Clurt's reasoning behind the decision he made in the previous chapter.

Well, I guess I have to put forth my best effort to help Clurt justify his reasoning and escape the accusing stares and finger pointing he finds he is experiencing.:0)

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 3

Destination: Terra Firma

Kasper was an excellent pilot but if their craft could be picked up by a ship on its way to Terra, all the better. Joann was attempting to communicate with any nearby Federation ship to request transportation. After sending out a wide-spread signal there was finally a reply:

"This is Captain Christopher Pike of the USS Discovery. Please forward your identity code to the bridge."

Kasper obliged and immediately there was a response.

"Permission to board is granted. By the way, is there a Professor Drevi with your group?"

Kasper's reply was "No Sir, Once aboard we will be able to give you his location. Thank you Captain Pike. We are awaiting your tractor beam to bring us in."

Pike said, "Spock, you have the Comm," and started on his way to the shuttle bay anxious to hear about his old friend, the professor. He remembered he was the second-best drinking buddy he ever had. His first officer had now usurped the professor's 'first place' title. Spock could definitely hold his liquor.

The Past…

He remembered his last meeting with Drevi, he was conflicted-a man in love. It was two weeks after graduation and he nursed his drink as he talked.

"I don't know what hit me Chris. I'm too old for this mess"

He sighed, and shook his head, "I am very strongly attracted to a human female."

Pike rubbed his chin whiskers and said, "Knowing you I know you have not acted unethically."

He shook his head,

"No, I would never invade her thoughts. So, I am unaware if she has any feelings for me."

He continued his revelation,

"She is shy to a fault, but if her smile was a barometer, she is in love with the whole world. She has revealed her passion for archeology and in her senior year had tapped big time into that focus. She awaits assignment to a ship with that specialty, although she is also the best xenoloquistic translator to ever graduate from Star Fleet."

"Invite her to a dig," was Pike's brilliant suggestion.

Drevi rose, "Done."

He exited his friend's apartment with a mission in mind.

Once he reached a hallway com unit he immediately made the inquiry. 'Location, Lieutenant Uhura.'

The disembodied voice said, "Lieutenant Uhura, Academy Library.'

It was a short walk and not only did his pace quicken, his heart rate did also. As soon as he entered the library he saw her, face down, her table littered with text books, twising a few strains of her hair in her fingers. He approached,

"Lieutenant."

Her head shot up and she struggled to rise from her seat.

"At ease Lieutenant. You do remember that all the test grades have been posted, and as stated at the ceremony, you have graduated com laude and have now reached the rank of lieutenant. It is my thought that since you are under no obligation to stress yourself in any area of academics. I will request that you return these books to the front and accompany me.

A blush colored her cheeks and he had to repress a smile. She obliged and he held the door for her and he said,

"With me."

They exited the Academy grounds and headed toward a small shopping area close to its grounds. He remembered there was a small café with outdoor seating in the area and he directed their steps to that spot.

When they reached that outdoor cafe he selected seats and pulled out a chair and indicated that she should be seated.

Then he sat. "Lieutenant, you are officially kidnapped and since I am a benevolent captor, I insist that you order something to eat. He tapped the front of the menu as he spoke. She smiled.

"Thank you Sir."

Clurt, my name is Clurt.

Looking down she replied,

"Oh, well my name is Nyota, Sir, I mean Clurt she stammered.

"I am fully aware of your first name Lieutenant and appreciate that you have granted me the liberty to use it."

With the preliminaries out of the way, he placed their orders and then said "Nyota, I saw your application, so would you like to go on that dig with a small group of scientists, we will be gone for four days. I have one spot that must be filled by this afternoon. If you need a while to make your decision, please let me know by 1400 hours, so if you decide against it, I can attempt to find another 'willing' crew member.

Almost unable to contain herself she said,

"Oh yes, I would really like to be part of that away team. Thank you, Sir, I mean Clurt. It is more than I had ever imagined."

That waiter brought their food and he sensed her excitement as she smiled and started eating. Every time she looked at him, her eyes showed her anticipation and her mouth, how pleased she was. Clurt had to admit, the pleasure was not one-sided.

Once the meal was finished Clurt escorted Nyota to the Quarter Masters to pick up the necessary supplies. He personally picked out her sun goggles and placed the utilitarian protection on her face and commented,

"If I was one of your female friends I would have to say,

"They do nothing for you."

He had never heard her laugh before and the affect of her expression of joy stopped him in mid-thought. Clurt bowed his head and took a deep breath and thought, 'So this is what love feels like.'

Clurt's life had consisted of exploration, study and writing-he had authored ten books, and an occassional 'fling'. There had never been any long term anything. His focus was not directed that way. Perhaps that is why what had happened totally overwhelmed him. Professor Clurt Drevi, confirmed bachelor of thirty-eight Terran years was a casualty of, being side-swiped by love.

His shields were set as high as possible while he was in close quarters with her. She was obligated to try on various garmens to insure they fit. So, he waited outside the dressing rooms for her appearance and his subsequent approval. He now understood the 'waiting male syndrome' that he had observed on a number of occassions in the woman's department at retail stores. But he had to admit, he could not imagine this could ever become an experience that he would tire of.

The next step was to Academy accounting where a chit was cut for her stipend. She held the article in her hand and asked,

"I may use this for anything?"

"Anything legal," was his attempt at humor.

Noyota smiled and said, "Thank you."

They parted ways after she refused his offer to assit her with her packages.

He left her presence with the thought of how intuitive his friend Pike was. He would bring him a nice bottle of bourbon and then help him drink it in celebration.


	4. Chapter 4

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 4

A Release

The Past…

Orientation for the trip started immediately. The group included several scientist who were not associated with Star Fleet, and an older Vulcan, two Terrans, a female member of the Academy, Drevi and Nyota. They would travel to Treis IV aboard a Star Ship, would transport down to an established colony and be led to the ruins in questions. In four days the ship would pick them up for their return to Terra.

It did not appear to be a significant explore, Star Fleet just wanted answers to certain questions. They needed the identity of the original inhabitants of this planet, what had happened to them, the nature of the civilization they represented, and did this discovery poise any threat to the colony.

They would be divided into three teams each focusing on one of the four questions and the final day, the entire group would attempt to answer the final question about the possibility of danger to the colonist.

Nyota was paired with Clurt and they had worked tirelessly for almost the entire day. As a matter of fact, both of Treis IV's suns had started to set when he noticed what he perceived was an entrance to a cave that had been closed up with rocks.

This phenomenon peaked his interest and they climbed up and examined the façade. In a situation where an unnatural exterior presented itself, the scientist's mind said, 'Why?' He didn't say a word but started removing rocks from what appeared to be the entrance. She started at the opposite side. When she finally broke through there was a release of noxious gas that sent her reeling. Clurt caught her in her disorientated state and the last thing she remembered was looking down as she puked on his shoes.

Clurt carried her back to the camp and laid her on her cot. Regaining consciousness she kept her eyes closed, the overall feeling she had was one of embarrassment that overwhelmed her. How could she have been so careless. She took a deep sigh and heard a sound by her bed. As she opened her eyes she saw Clurt, as he stood over her.

Once she focused on his face he was smiling, "One day I will have to tell you about my most embarrassing moment as an archeologist."

He seated himself by her bed, and then reached over to hold her hand in his. She made an effort to withdraw her hand and he continued to hold it. Looking into her frightened eyes he said.

"Please do not turn from me Nyota. I desire your friendship."

She stopped struggling and looked downward.

"Do I frighten you Nyota?"

She nodded and then said, "No."

"What troubles you?" was his question.

He looked at her intently, she was not sure what she was reading in his gaze but he would not relinquish her hand, as a matter of fact he held it even tighter.

Her eyes were downcast, "I am not looking for a boyfriend," was her estimation of the message she read in his eyes.

Clurt relinquished her hand, he stood, turning he made a complete circle, "Do I look like a boy to you Nyota?" was his reprimand.

Shyly smiling she said, "No."

"O.K., then that's settled. Now, how are you feeling?

Just a little lightheaded. But I'll be alright, maybe I'll stay in bed.

"If it is alright with you, I'll bring two trays."

"Thank you, but you don't have to sacrifice the opportunity to dine with the others; just for me."

Standing up he said, "I want to." and left.

Returning to her housing he called at the entrance, "Room service," and entered with a smile.

"Guess what, the colonist left us real food here. They grow their own vegetables.

Nyota swung her legs out so she could sit on the edge of the bed. He brought a small table over and placed it in front of her. It turned out to be quite an enjoyable meal, company included. Clurt was full of antidotal stories, and he took delight in making fun of himself.

Amazingly, Nyota began to relax in his presence and on occasion lent her captivating laugh to the conversation. That was reward enough for him at this juncture. What he desired would take time and he knew she was worth every effort.

The next day he traversed the upward road to that cave alone, he left her at ground level to pack anything found. He introduced a meter to the spot where the fumes had been released. The meter indicated there was no further danger from that source. He called down, "It is safe for me to enter."

She shouted. "Please be careful."

"Your wish is my command," were his words as he climbed into the dark interior. His helmet light turned on automatically and as his eyes adjusted, they were met with a macabre scene. On ledges on three sides were skeletal remains. He approached with the intent to see if he would be able to determine the cause of death through preliminary observation, and he was. Each skull had been smashed by a blow from behind. Artifacts were scattered about. He reasoned he had entered a place of religious activity. These remains were placed here as offering to these people's deity or deities. He was happy that Nyota had not been witness to this carnage, especially since two of these sacrifices were mere infants. It must have been a time of great trouble to force these people to commit, what would be viewed in the present time, as an atrocity.

He gathered shards and a small stele that was propped up against the cave wall. Both of these had writing on them. Then he discovered a basket. He lifted the lid and he saw a collection of scrolls. He was certain they would contain the answers to all the questions propounded by Star Fleet. He exited the cave and immediately lowered his finds to Nyota. Then, without further explanation, he closed the cave back up and left a permanent seal to alert any future explorers, 'Do Not Enter, Sacred Ground.'

`0`0`0`0`0`

Her eyes shown with excitement. They had spread out everything on the one large table in this anteroom at their camp. Each piece was numbered and cataloged. Then came the hard part, he would need Nyota's translating skills to make a determination. As she examined the stele, she gasped, "This is a very ancient Vulcan script. She read:

'We are the remnants of a displaced people. Our home world is Vulcan, but we are exiles, labeled V'tosh Kator. The gods have not been good to us, we have attempted to appease them. Our crops have failed, there is no indigenous plant life that we can digest, and our seedlings have failed. We are faced with starvation because we have no way off this planet. If future inhabitants find our remains, please do not judge our actions, we have taken every available action in our attempt to survive.'

"Clurt asked, how would you date these articles.

"From the text, I would say early, maybe two hundred years after "The Awaking."

"I concur Nyota, now let us look at these scrolls."

She gently started unrolling the first one she touched. As she started reading the purpose of this scroll became clear, 'S'tak became father to S'ling by his bondmate, T'Pol…'

"These appear to be genealogical records." She started opening the next, the text in this appeared similar.

As she unrolled the final one, and started to read her face registered shock, on the table in front of her was a suicide pact, signed by all in the group. Her mind went back to the historical account of Masada and a chill went through her.

So the demise of these inhabitants posed no threat to the colony. These first settlers did not have the communication or transportation skills that the present colonist have. The advanced biology, sciences and communication skills aided these colonist to determine which edible vegetation could be safely introduced onto this planet. It was as if this different time rendered this planet, a different place.

Clurt determined there would be no search for the remains of these early settlers, let their bones rest in peace.


	5. Chapter 5

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 5

The Pursuit

The Past

They returned from the dig with the information requested by Star Fleet. But those submitted articles were not the only things discovered on that trip.

From that association Clurt had determined that he would pursue, court and win Nyota. He knew her nature, had inadvertently skimmed the surface of her consciousness and found a great loss in her life. She was for all intents and purposes without family. Of course, he did view this as an advantage for him. No traveling to some far flung place to ask for her hand. That 'accident' allowed him to discover that her prevailing emotion was a deep abiding loneliness. Although, initially, not thinking that this too could tip the scales in his favor, he knew there could be no deception, he would have to state his purpose. Although fragile, with her deepest feelings bottled up, she was fully capable of seeing through any subterfuge. He would have to plan his pursuit most carefully.

At his desk he continued his analysis. To the untrained eye, to one who had not touched the inner person, Nyota was warm and giving but very private. It was a fact, no one really knew her. She studied alone, she walked alone… The only person she was ever seen with was her Orion roommate. Perhaps she could be encouraged to talk, but more specifically, to talk to him.

He keyed in her comm/link and within a few seconds she answered.

"Good morning, Sir, Uhh…"

"No, no, no, not acceptable."

"Clurt."

"Nyota, I was wondering if you would be willing to take a little excursion with me. Do you ride a bike?"

"Yes sir, but…"

"I will give you thirty minutes so get ready. I will bring you a bike and helmet."

He realized that if he allowed, she would back out of any sort of interchange, or interaction, so the issue must be forced. He rubbed his palms together getting ready for the pursuit.

The bike trails along the Pacific coast were breathtaking. He could not have asked for a more perfect day. The breeze carried the smell of the sea in its wake, it was not too warm, and the trail was virtually empty.

Once they parked his transport and he unloaded the bikes, she reached out for her helmet. That was a very good sign. Adjusting it she smiled and said, "You're on…and broke out into a speedy head start. Clurt, always up to a challenge went into hot pursuit. He had never seen her so enlivened. Biking must carry some fond memories. Perhaps she would talk about it.

In each saddle bag he had placed two water bottles and a few energy bars. They had peddled on an incline for around three miles when he saw a summit ahead where they could stop, maybe she would talk.

Making it to the summit, they dismounted, stowed the bikes and sat down on a large imposing rock formation. Wiping his brow with his water bottle in his hand he said, "You gave me a run for my money. I see you are an experienced biker. Where did you pick up your skills? What kind of trails did you travel?"

"We had our own trail on our family grounds. It was enclosed to insure our relative safety. We didn't want to be accosted by any of the beasties. It was a given, we started biking when quite young. Anyone in the area could use the trail, it passed a beautiful lake, a tributary of Lake Victoria, some rolling hills, a plain which ended at the base of Mount Kenya and finally through a stretch of forest. It probably encompassed around ten miles. Along the trail there were relay stations, if you were too tired to pedal back you could get a ride.

She got a distant look in her eyes and then said, "My father thought of everything."

He questioned, "Does your family remain in the United States of Africa?"

"I have no family, just a few cousins scattered here and there."

Desiring to get to the root of her sorrow he asked, "You were an only child?"

Biting her bottom lip she said, "I lost my entire family in a transport accident when I was thirteen." She was averting her face from him. He rose from his place and walked behind her and seated himself in her line of vision. Tears were brimming in her eyes as she said, "I'm alright."

Facing her he said, "Those tears are indicative that you are not being truthful. I will tell you what I think. I sincerely believe that you never allowed yourself to grieve. You have swaddled your broken heart with studies, goals, projects and anything else to crowd out your sorrow. Nyota, grief is not a luxury, it is a necessity. I understand your smile now, it is a deterrent to prevent anyone knowing the real you. You put up the front that all is well, when it is not. You deceive us with that distraction and so everyone is kept at arm's length."

He took her hand and said, "You may talk to me Nyota, I will not betray your trust. Only I will know your true self."

Smiling at her he says, "I will allow you to deceive all else but me."

There is no sound, but the tears were abundant. It is as though a dam had been breached and a torrent was released. He sat next to her, holding her hand, afraid that an embrace would be repulsed. But he felt triumphant. A feeling of trust was developing and that could be the basis for so much more.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Readers:

Thank you spockhura for your alert.

Please excuse the error in the last posting. My laptop died and the zip drive chapters were not the same as the ones saved on my comp. The CPU of my husband computer decided to join its sibling :0) and died also. Presently I am at the mercy of an old CPU that initially I did not think had a zip drive port, but my husband found it in the back of the unit.

I will have to be extremely cautious and go through the entire posting to make sure that will not happen again

There has been quite a bit of 'I hate Clurt' notices but since he is 'my son' I will attempt to give you insight into his mind set. These facts will allow you to understand him a little better. First of all he is an alien from a race of people who don't have any concept of privacy. Second, at this point he is mentally unbalance-how could he be otherwise, he is planning his own suicide. Third, he is under the influence of strong medication. Remember when he help Nyota with her sweater, I have determined that is when he brushed her consciousness. It was not an invansion of her deep thoughts, but the surface because at that point she was thinking of her grandmother.

We must realize that he is a take charge person and for that reason Kasper does not put up a fight at any of his orders, suggestions or commands.

In addition, because he is quite a bit older than Nyoa the relationship he has formed with her is a lover/protector. He has not thought out the negative aspect of his decision, how his wife's mental health could be affected. So, while he is selfish, and he does make that admission, he wanted her, he wanted his job and he wanted any accompanying prestige that would come from his discoveries.

The Heart Lives On

Final Chapter 6

Falling…

The Past…

After that initial revelation, she began talking to him. She had lost both parents and two siblings in that one accident. Her elderly grandmother took over her rearing. Her Nana was a retired college professor and trained her for greatness. She lived to see her excelling at Star Fleet Academy and then she too was gone.

When she had last seen her grandmother she had told her, I know I will not see you again and I don't want you to remember me in a coffin. When I am gone, do not come back to look into my lifeless face. My Star, remember me as I am now, alive and embracing you.

So, again, there was no closure.

Because Nyota was waiting for an assignment she continue to live in the Academy dorm. One evening Clurt showed up at her door and asked if she felt like taking a walk. She smiled and took five minutes to get ready.

It was a balmy night, she had brought a sweater and he helped her put it around her shoulders. He felt her tremble. He pulled his hands away and asked,

"What is the matter Nyota?"

"Just another bad memory that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Clurt, don't you get sick of my tales of woe? My jumbled up life?"

He grabbed her forearm and turned her to face him.

"Nyota, nothing you have done, or will do will make me sick of you. I need you as a constant in my life. Do you understand what I am saying?"

They were standing under one of the campus street lights when he pulled her to him and tilted her head up, "Look at me Nyota. She took a deep sigh and shuddered and looked up at him. Can you accept the fact that I am in love with you?

She nods in the affirmative and says, "I don't know if I trust myself to love, Clurt. You leave yourself open for heartbreak. I am living proof of that. Perhaps I'm acting childish. I have to work on that."

"Life is full of good-byes Nyota. But we all must enjoy the wonders of life that time allows us. If we just sip out of life's cup and not drink deeply, we cheat ourselves. Don't cheat yourself Nyota.

She was not ready for a kiss, but he was comforted by the fact that she allowed him to hold her. He could build on that.

The Heart Lives On

The Darkness…

Present

Captain pike hurried to the shuttle bay and as soon as the bell sounded 'all clear' he entered as the passengers on the shuttle were disembarking. One male and two females were exiting as he came to stand at the gang plank.

The male came forward with his hand extended. He was a middle aged Terran, "Justin Kasper," he said as he pumped the captain's arm. Gesturing behind him a woman appeared smiling, "My wife, Joanne." Finally gesturing again, our associate, Nyota Uhura.

Pike responded with a head nod but his mind was racing, 'Nyota Uhura,' she was a student during his last tenure as instructor at the Academy. A vivacious, lively, beautiful, talented student. Before him stood a beautiful lost soul, her eyes were dead. What could have happened in these last three years. Pike took the initiative. "Perhaps you and I could speak, while the women are shown to the assigned quarters."

"Certainly Captain," was Kasper compliant reply. He gestured to his wife and said, "We will unload later. Take only what is necessary for your immediate comfort."

Pike saw his wife take Nyota waist and they left the area to find their rooms.

As they walked toward a conference room Pike said, "First of all, Mr. Kasper, what information do you have on Professor Drevi."

You taught with him at Star Fleet?

"Yes I did, and during that time we enjoyed a close relationship. Smiling he was my, as they say, my drinking buddy, and thus my confidant."

Kasper cleared his throat and said, "Then I regret to inform you that Professor Drevi died from injuries sustained on _. But, Sir, I must speak to you about a matter of grave importance in this regard, in a private place.

Behind closed doors, Kasper explained the circumstances surrounding the death of his friend.

Captain, I saw a look of consternation when you viewed Nyota Uhura. Did you know her also.

"She was a student during my last teaching rotation. Mr. Kasper, she is not the Nyota Uhura I knew."

"You are correct sir. I will outline the events that have lead to the person you see now."

Kasper explained that he has sworn to Drevi to care for and protect her. She was his wife. They married on route to Xnos I. When Drevi knew he was dying and he did what he thought was best for his wife's continued happiness. He manipulated her mind to partition off any memories of them together. Presently she has no memories of him as her husband. Drevi made me swear to keep that from her.

Sir, unfortunately, what he envisioned is not the reality. She is a ghost of herself, a very faint specter at that. She is a troubled person because a piece of her life has been snatched from her. You know what a brilliant person she is. Sir even her smile is gone. My wife is also distraught; she views her like a daughter. The one constant is that she sits in the darkness and never initiates any conversation. She only speaks if she is spoken to.

Pike thought for a minute. "You said he manipulated her mind?"

"Yes Sir, that is what he said he would do."

"Was the change immediate?"

"As we traveled further away from that Xnos I she appeared to recede further and further into herself. Time and distance seems to be a factor here. Sir, I don't know what to do about it.

"Clurt was an empath and telepath but my first officer is a Vulcan. Let me talk to him about the situation. Perhaps he can shed some light on how we might help Lieutenant Uhura.

Kasper breathed a sigh, focused on the captain, his eyes seemed to tear up, "Sir, I fear for her survival. She seems to be dying in degrees. My wife is beside herself with worry. I do not think that Drevi imagined this as an outcome of his actions. I do not feel I am betraying his trust."

Pike turned to leave, and over his shoulder said, "I am going to reveal what is necessary to my first officer. He will probably want to see the Lieutenant as soon as possible. It just might be what you have said, she is dying."


	7. Chapter 7

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 7

Out of the Darkness

Before Pike left, Kasper breathed a sigh, focused on the captain, his eyes seemed to tear up, "Sir, I fear for her survival. She seems to be dying by degrees. My wife is beside herself with worry. I do not think that Drevi imagined this as an outcome of his actions. So his trust is not betrayed."

Pike turned to leave, and over his shoulder said, "I will only reveal what is necessary to my first officer. He will probably want to see the Lieutenant as soon as possible. It just might be as you have said, she is dying."

Pike returned to the bridge and motioned to Spock, "With me," was his command. Spock gestured for his replacement.

They walked together and Pike initiated the conversation.

"Spock, we have an unusual mystery to unravel. First I want you to meet someone who is in dire need of your unique talents. She was attending the Academy during one of my teaching tenures. I remember, next to you, she was the most promising linguistic student ever to graduate. She speaks eighty-three percent of our Federation languages and speaks Vulcan like a native. She had a dazzling smile, but was quiet, and serious about her studies. Cadet Uhura was so studious that one could have easily viewed her as a loner. Books were her companions. She was on the shuttle that was brought in but something has happen to her. I recall she went on one recruitment trip with me and the Nyota Uhura now is not the cadet I knew.

"I was just informed that she had married my old friend Clurt Drevi. Before we launched this mission, while I was still teaching he had confided in me that he had fallen in love with her. I guess he followed through on his declaration.

Drevi died on Vios I, but what I observed in her was more than an expression of grief. His fellow archeologist, and shuttle pilot, named Jasper, informed me that before he died Drevi performed some sort of mental manipulation on his wife that erased some of her memories. She is not faring well at all. As a matter of fact, Jasper is quite fearful that she is in fact dying.

They both walked down the corridor and stopped at a door in the guest quarters. Kasper opened the door,

"Captain, thank you for being so prompt. Please enter, my wife stays here with Nyota and I stay in the adjacent room. She is in the bedroom, in the dark as usual. Do you want my wife to bring her out, or should she remain where she is?"

Pike looks at Spock who said,

"It probably would be best to start off in her present location."

Kasper led them to the door and knocked. There were rustlings like a person moving. Kasper said,

"I know she is dressed, she came out earlier and had a cup of tea with my wife. She barely eats anything.

I'm coming in Nyota, I have some friends with me it is the captain and his first officer."

There is a muffled sound, almost a sob, and the trio entered the darken space. Spock superior vision allowed him to see the person who has secreted herself in darkness. It is without doubt one of the most beautiful females he had ever seen. She is seated on the floor in a corner, embracing her knees. She doesn't even look up.

"How are you today Kasper? I did come out like you asked, I had some tea with JoAnne," was her soft defensive declaration.

Captain Pike stepped toward her and she appeared to draw herself even tighter into a ball. Not gong any further he says, "Hello Lieutenant. I don't know if you can remember me, I am Christopher Pike. During my last teaching tenure at the Academy, you were a cadet. You even went with me on a recruitment trip. I remember you were a remarkable student."

"I remember you Captain Pike, you were in charge of recruitment." was her whispered reply

"If it is alright with you I have someone here I want you to meet, it is my first officer, Commander Spoke."

Spock noticed that she looked up, "Didn't he develop the Kobioshi Maaru?"

"_Ha wuh lan ra vesh Nyota's talupau?" (_Yes Lieutenant, what was your estimate?") was Spock's question.

Her response, _"Maut-klonik hi teker." _(Brilliant but deviant.)

Spock thought to himself, 'Her estimation was honest to a fault.' He then said, _"Kic'blu kal-tor etfwel mu'gel'es. _(Come let us leave darkness)

Spock felt a positive reaction to her brief interaction with him. It appeared she was comfortable with old memories.

He put up his shields and put out his hand to encourage her to join him. Surprisingly, she responded and he assisted her to her feet.

"Perhaps you would not object to a venue outside of your room?"

She hesitated, but he tightened his grip on her hand.

She wondered,

'Why does that feel familiar?'

She felt impelled to follow the calm voice.

Pike looked over at Spock and nodded and gestured toward the door. He was no longer needed and so quietly took his leave.

With that touch Spock was able to make a determination, almost like a Vulcan, this human was on the verge of willing her own life's termination.

He could understand. Based on what he had already been advised, the person before him was not the brilliant, student that had been described to him. She was frightened, and so fearful of not living up to her true potential that it was adding to the already stressful situation.

Spock wonder if a contributing factor to her condition could be traced to varying degrees of isolation in her life. Perhaps her upbringing carried with it a lack of interaction with a variety of people. His captain had mentioned while, a student she was so immersed in her studies that this isolation must have increased. And finally, being carried off to some distant archeological dig with just three other persons could only have added to this problem.

It would be necessary for him to develop some sort of rapport with her. He realized his job would be difficult, but if the end result would the restoring of her to a proper mental state, it would be well worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

The Heart Lives On

Chapter 8

Into The Light…

The Present

Spock strengthened his shields, took Nyota's hand firmly in his and bent toward her and softly whispered, "May I suggest a tour of this ship as a diversion."

Surprisingly, without a word she gracefully rose to her feet and followed him toward the door. Kasper and JoAnn stood to the aside amazed at her response to Spock's invitation. She too found that she questioned her response to his soft voice.

Why did the timbre sound so familiar. He led her to the door and as it whisked open he took her elbow and guided her out into the pristine corridors Almost robotically she made a request, "May I please see the observation deck?"

Every level of the Enterprise had its own public area that allowed passengers to view the cosmos as it streaked by. As they reached the area she stood and viewed it with a puzzled look on her face. She entered the enclosed area and climbed to the highest level and sat, but unexpectedly proceeded to protect the end seat from being occupied. Her eyes had a haunted look and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

"I know I have visited a place like this, I was not alone, I, I,

with that she retreated into silence. They sat for three quarters of an hour before she rose from her seated position. Spock stood beside her and touched her elbow, she looked up at him and he could see she was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

He inquired, "Do you wish to return to your quarters?"

Her response is cryptic, "If I return to the darkness I will never find the light."

Spock nodded, "Would you find a view of the bridge agreeable?"

"Yes, Sir.."

They reached the turbo-lift just as the door was about to close. One of the crew called out, "We will hold it for you Commander." They hurried, entered and Spock spoke their destination, "Bridge." With the next stop, they were the only ones who remained on the lift. Out of the corner of his eye he directed his gaze to the female besides him. The darkness had not hid much from his observation, she was indeed a very beautiful female.

The lift stopped, the doors opened with its usual airy swish and he guided her out to stand at the entrance to The Bridge, the heart and soul of The Enterprise. The brightness of the artificial daylight reflected off of the lieutenant's gleaming face. He again detected a sharp intake of breath.

Any first time visitor viewing this area with its lit consoles, staggered arrays, flashing keyboards and suspended monitors, could not help but be impressed with the beautiful design of this engineering marvel, Nyota was no exception. The sounds reaching the ear, clicks, buzzes,

synthesized voices, relays and assorted unidentified sounds validated the very reason for space travel- the accumulation of scientific knowledge-the merging of the unknown with the known. This was one of the important jobs of The Enterprise Bridge.

She stood calmly at his side and he again took her elbow and guided her. This time in the direction of the command chair. Pike was in anticipation and smiled at their approach. What he saw before him was a perfect pairing, both in superior minds and exceptional appearances.

"The Bridge welcomes you, Lieutenant," were the captain's words.

Looking at the two new occupants of the bridge, caused Pike to come to a conclusion-Drevi was a lucky male to have won her. She was indeed beautiful. But, he wondered if his eyes were deceiving him, could it be that his first officer was becoming affected by her presence.

Shrugging his shoulders he thought, 'Spock will keep me apprised. The nature of their relationship would make that conversation a 'given'.

She looked about her in wonder and then her eyes lit upon the communications array.

Pike noticed her reaction and extended his arm toward that area, "Please Lieutenant, be our guest."

No longer in a dreamlike state she hurried over and looked in wonder at the station's instrumentality. Spock saw her inhale deeply, and then her eyes followed the communication officer's fingers as they raced across the station's input board and adjusted its various dials and knobs.

Spock watched her, she appeared to be someone who had been stranded on a desert, without water, finally being able to quench their thirst. He had no intention of distracting her with a suggestion that they continue their tour of the ship.

The communication's officer powered down and ended his shift with his end code. His replacement slipped into the seat and powered up under another signature. All was as smooth as oiled glass.

After more than an hour he walked over to communication array, he then suggested that they stop at the mess and take refreshment. She nodded, then turned to him and asked did they have plictood. Spock recognized the food item as Betazoid.

He responded, "Our replicators carry a wide selection of foods. I am sure it would be part of the internal menu.".

She nodded.

He would have to question Kasper further about the mysteries surrounding his companion.

The Heart Lives On

It Is A Puzzle

At the mess hall she hesitated as if she had to regain her equilibrium, she looked for a few seconds at the trays stacked at the entrance, then after he had retrieved one, she did so herself. Looking about she seemed to recognize a replicator and waited for him to lead her. Perhaps she thought that each unit provided only specific items.

He first led her to a table at the far side of the dining room,

where he was aware a replicator was near by. He stood behind her as she made her request and looked tentatively at what had been produced. Spock then programmed his selection, a vegetable rap, green tea and a glass of water.

She watched intently as his food appeared and they both headed back to their table.

"Lieutenant, if you are not fatigued, after our meal we can continue our tour."

The request was not logical because he did sense a degree fatigue, but he qualified his question with the thought that all this was important to her recovery. Not that he did not wish her out of his presence.

He found it rewarding when she answered, "I find that agreeable."

Something was becoming very clear to Spock, the human female before him, did not respond, talk, or react in a human way, he determined her emotions, like his were repressed. As a matter of fact, Lieutenant Uhura in many ways was as Vulcan in nature as he was. He wondered what it would be like to explore her mind. He was sure

that that landscape would not reveal human characteristics. How could this be so? He had searched her file through Star Fleet's expansive personal references. His research indicated she was human, from USA, the area designated Kenya.

There appeared that Kasper would have to answer that question also.

She eat her plictood as if she there was an attempt on her part to conjure up memories. She held the food in her mouth, chewed slowly, rubbed it across her tongue and shook her head. She finally said, "I do not know why I ordered this dish. It appears I have never tasted it in my life. That is so strange," was her comment as she displayed a worried countenance.

They finished their meal, deposited their trash and trays and he guided her to the door. Spock observed the eyes that followed them as they transverse the width of the mess hall. In the male eyes he noticed admiration, in the female's questions.

By the turbo lift he stopped,

.

"Lieutenant, there is another point of interest, I would like you to observe?"

She thought for a minute and said,

"Could we go to engineering?"

They descended the ladder to the bowels of the ship and he reached into the receptacle at the entrance and handed her ear protectors, and air filtering mask. He slipped his on also. They opened the door fortunately the sounds were muffled by their protective gear. He guided her to observe the WARP core and the water filtration system.

He acknowledged the Chief Engineer with a nod and for her benefit made a simple inquiry,

"In what WARP drive are we presently cruising?"

The answer, "WARP three," was the engineer's answer, "But we are capable of WARP Ten, or even twelve in a severe emergency."

Spock nodded and after a little more of an explore, he and the lieutenant climbed the ladder that brought them closer to a destination that he wanted to introduce to his companion-The HoloDeck.


	9. Chapter 9

The Heart Lives On

Chapter Nine

Deja Vu

As way of introduction to their next stop, Spock said, "Lieutenant, this ship is one of few that has been outfitted with a special feature to provide entertainment for the crew. I would be pleased to introduce it to you."

"Thank you Commander."

Spock slowed his steps, to accommodate her slowed down pace. This is the most activity she had engaged in since her arrival onboard. When they reached the entry Spock stopped. It had been his intent to explain the purpose of this programmed fantasy site. He decided against delineating the science behind it. It was his plan to show her a site he was sure she had visited some time in the past. He entered the code.

The door opened to a vivid blue sky. The sound of the ocean and the cry of gulls echo about them. To their right was a rock face and straight ahead was a rise, with a large rock that would allow them to seat themselves and take in the beautiful vista. He guided her and she climbed effortlessly to the raised area. Again, she took a seat, and protectively saved another.

"I've been to this place before. I was with someone… I don't remember." With that she placed her head in her hands.

She faced Spock and said,

"I would love to say, I am loosing my mind, but in actuality, I have lost it."

The look of despair on her face, made him respond by an uncharacteristically move, he positioned himself closer to her.

As she looked at him, she said,

"This is 'deja vu,'" all this is like a replay of something in my life. A life I cannot remember. I must have answers or I will truly go insane."

Spock asked,

"Do you think Kasper might be able to help?"

"He is my only hope."

As they returned to her living area she entered and approached Kasper and said,

"I am sure you hold the key to my sanity. You must help me. My life is a puzzle, with pieces missing. Without them, I shall truly loose my mind. JoAnn, sighed as Kasper looked at her.

"Please understand Nyota, what was done was done with the most loving of intentions. Kasper gave the narrative of her life and then excused himself. When he returned to the room he is holding a drive. He placed it in the comm unit, and pressed 'play'.

Before the four of them appeared a smiling Nyota, accompanied by a handsome man. Kasper said, "That is Clurt Drevi, a Betazoid, your husband."

There is a sharp intake of air, not only by Nyota, but by Spock as well. In his present state of mind he determined that he too needed to find out what had transpired between that time and the present.

The Holo-Vid showed the academy buildings in the background.

Kasper narrated,

"Drevi was our dear friend, he was also your instructor. After your graduation he pursued you with the intent of making you his wife. You joined him on Treis IV for your first dig. When he was assigned to Vios I you accompanied us. While on the trip, Drevi seriously courted you, proposed, was accepted and the two of you were married by the ship's captain. While on Vios I he was injured, and did not recover."

Apparently still in a state of disbelief she said,

"I was married?

After a brief pause,

"He was a Betazoid?"

"Yes and yes," was Kasper's reply.

"Did we take exertions?"

"Yes, he especially liked the bike paths along the Pacific Coastline."

Spoke had programmed the HoloDeck scene they had just visited and he knew one of her phantom memories had their basis in the very scene they had visited today.

Kasper kept the narration going and finally, at the completion he said.

"Nyota, Clurt loved you passionately. At the end, perhaps he was not thinking clearly, but his intentions were to free you, to free your heart.

"He felt that with no memory of your marriage to him, you would not mourn his passing, your heart could love another. Just before he died he entered your mind so as to relegate those memories to the deep recesses of your brain. He placed them where he felt you could not retrieve them. This was his final gift to you."

Nyota looked down, then she asked,

"Did he allow me to make the decision in this matter?"

"No, that was not his way."

"Then I have at this point concluded, his gift to me was insanity. No one can function with missing points of reference in their mind. I am slowly being driven to the point of nervous collapse and subsequent insanity. It is like a dark cloud pursuing me and I am unable to escape it. Jasper, it is critical for what I see before me is the desire for death."

Spock had listened, analyzed, and formulated what he knew could correct this serious situation.

Addressing Kasper he said, "I have listened to your explanation and Lieutenant, I have observed you and have heard you explain your symptoms. Based on the foregoing information, I have a suggestion. Since I am a touch telepath. I have the ability to enter your mind, locate these memories and restore them to you. The Vulcan process is called a mild-meld. It is painless, but carries with it a temporary emotional experience. In my estimation, this temporary reaction would be worth the end result, which is to secure your memories and emotional equilibrium."

He observed her, her hands were in her lap, her thumbs rotated against one another. She then said,

"When can this be done?"

Spock advised her,

"I must prepare myself. There is no way I can presently determine how long we must remain mentally joined. But I do make this promise to you, Lieutenant, with the completion of this task, your fear of insanity will be removed.

She stood, and closed her eyes.

"Please advise me when you are ready."


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to NyotaRules who acted as my spelling beta and corrected my last chapter's title. Thank you to all who continue to read.

Botsey

The Heart Lives On

Chapter Ten

Attention was now centered on Kasper. In an attempt to place his old friend's action in a better light Kasper stood before them both and said,

"Clurt had no idea of the damage that could come from his action. His motivation was his love for you Nyota. Before we left he made me promise, no swear, that this information would not be revealed to you. But, my promise had to be broken, for your good, Nyota."

Nyota stood stoically before Kasper,

"Exactly, what happened to my husband."

Kasper explained the accident, the unsuccessful treatment, the spreading infection...

"So the infection killed him?"

Now came the most difficult revelation. Kasper watched as her face turned ashen when he described her husband's last moments.

With a pained expression on her face she demanded,

"Where is my wedding ring? Surely he did not deny me that."

Kasper's responded,

"He took everything, rings, dress, photos with him to the fire. At the last moment I decided to save what you saw today."

Looking at Kasper with a contorted face she said,

"He took something else…my heart, for there is no emotion in me to grieve, love, or even hate. I am a human without emotions, a terrible by product of his 'love'."

Kasper lowered his head in admission of her truths. JoAnn was at the table and sobbed, She finally ended the discussion with her thought,

"He loved you Nyota, but at the end his act was a selfish one, the actions of one not mentally balanced. He bottled you up and took the real you with him."

Nyota started toward her bedroom door, turned, looked at Spock and requested.

"Please wait for me."

She disappeared into that room's darkness. Then they heard the light switch click. Within a few moments she emerged, dressed in her Star Fleet uniform.

Her next request was,

"May we return to the bridge. I wish to request acceptance for active duty."

They matched cadence as they traversed the corridors, and finally reached the turbo lift.

Spock was deep in thought. He knew he would have to be her savior. But, he had an empty feeling creeping into him. In her present state, he related quite well with her, for in truth, her mind, presence, speech and attitude were quite Vulcan. How would she relate to him as an emotional female human. Needless to say, he was in conflict.

When they reached The Bridge, Captain Pike's eyes focused on the pair. She approached the command chair and said,

"Captain Pike, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura wishes to come aboard."

"Welcome aboard Lieutenant. We are pleased to have you join us. If you so desire you may shadow Lieutenant Wong at the Communications Station."

"Aye, Aye Sir," was her reply and she turned sharply on her heels and headed for that array.

Spock's eyes followed her and then he seated himself at his post, deep in thought. He knew he would have to meditate the entire night to prepare for the mind meld and resolve his inner conflict.

As the shift ended he signed off at his position, and she reported to Captain Pike,

"Permission to leave The Bridge, Captain."

With a wave of his hand, he said,

"Permission granted."

She walked besides him for a while and then said,

"I have a query."

Spoke stopped her in mid stride.

"Speak."

"Sir, I have noticed that the array sequence is not designed for rapidity of response. It would appear that the sequence should be FBGACED."

Spock was truly taken aback by her observation. He replied,

"On a Vulcan ship, that would be the sequential setting. Terran ships are designed as you see here."

He again marveled at her Vulcan mind set and had to realize that her training would make her valuable to the ship, even if it meant a personal loss for him...'The needs of the many...'

After his explanation, she simply nodded her head in acceptance. He was certain he would miss her quiet companionship.

When they reached the turbo lift he stepped aside to allow her to enter. She turned forward as she entered and stared intently into his eyes. The effect was quite unsettling for him. They rode in silence and when they reached her floor she simply said,

"Good night Commander Spockh," giving his name the Vulcan pronunciation.

His reply was,

"Good evening, Lieutenant."


	11. Chapter 11

The Heart Lives On

Chapter Eleven

He arrived at his quarters focused on what lay ahead. He did not require any sustenance. He stripped, showered and dressed in his meditative robe, lit the asenoi and knelt. Just before he closed himself off, he envisioned the sight he had beheld in the just viewed holivid, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura's mind blinding smile.

He remained deep in meditation for seven hours, forty three minutes and six seconds. His shields had strengthened, he did feel refreshed and knew that he was prepared to complete the task ahead of him. He had determined that he must probe deep into Nyota's brain in order to access the hippocampus and amygdale. These centers controlled emotions, converted short term memory to more permanent retention and regulated that all important gland, the pituitary. His task clear before him, he entered the Lieutenant's identification code and heard the two comms connect.

Kasper answered. When Spock inquired about the Lieutenant he was informed that she was on the holodeck. Spock hurried to that location, saw the location code flashing and knew she was inside. He pressed the pad for entry. The doors opened and he saw her, seated on the rock, at the summit. The 'wind' blowing her hair about her face.

He approached, she looked at him with deep concern, then made the inquiry, "You are ready?"

He nodded in the affirmative.

"Where should we go?"

"So as not to be disturbed I would suggest my quarters."

She stood, was not quite study and he reached to prevent her fall., but on her own Nyota steadied herself and she stood beside him. Looking down into her worried face he said,

"Nyota, I will do everything in my power to return you, to yourself."

How he had managed to speak her given name was beyond him. But she answered in kind,

"Thank you Spockh."

It was the second time that the correct pronunciation of his name had come from the Lieutenant. He knew that the only way that could be possible is if she spoke the High Vulcan dialect. Only those familiar with its grammar knew the ending sound of his name was 'H'.

When they entered his quarters he gestured toward one of the two chairs at the table.

"Would you care for something to drink?" was his question.

"No, no thank you."

Taking the other chair he brought it up to face her.

"I will explain to you what I am about to do and how it will affect you. After my mind has entered yours I will methodically search for your hidden memories. I am certain that they are contained in the area of your mind that controls your emotions. Once these are found I will carefully release these from their confined space in your mind and they will naturally find their way to the areas that can properly process and store them. Are you able to understand what my goal is."

"Yes, Sir, I mean Spockh."

"Do you have need to use the sanitary facility before we begin?"

"I believe I should."

He pointed in the direction she needed to go.

She returned and settled herself into the chair and gently touched his covered arm.

"I am eternally in your debt."

"I do not view it that way Nyota, I am merely here to help a… friend."

He was seated facing her, his chair abutted hers on the side and he looked into her eyes, she attempted to smile, but was unable to do so. How well he could relate to that.

"Your first sensation will be that you have fallen into a shaft of light. The descent will eventual slow down and you will view images. It will be almost like looking through a window. When I enter the area of the brain that I seek, all will go black, you will be semi-conscious, but you will not fall, I will protect you from injury. Are you ready, Nyota?

She nodded, and he noticed it was difficult for her to swallow. Before he placed his hand on her psi points, he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. After finding her points and he made the connection, his head snapped back.

He observed what Drevi had seen before. Her painful loneliness and loss. For a human, that would have been unsettling, but for a Vulcan, _Kaiidth,_ 'what is, is.'

He navigated through a very orderly mind and attempted to quickly locate her past but was stopped by a revelation that would have remained lost to him without this mind-meld- this beautiful woman had feelings for him. The realization caught him off guard, but was definitely welcome. It appeared in her mind surrounded by swirls of pink and lavender. He recalled that those two colors were in a painting of he and his mother made years ago.

As he located the hippocampus of her brain he observed what could rightly be described as an area paralyzed, although it was alive and pulsed, he saw no synapses activity. As Spock probed the area and saw the containment field was one of energy, he redirected this, so the memories could be released.

He determined that the energy could best be used back in the area where these memories had been held prisoner, to aid it in its healing process. Layer by layer he released the bundle until finally everything was free.

With that he started his slow retreat from her mind. He could not foresee exactly what would be her reaction to the realizations of her past. So he would have to wait and see. Whatever the response he would be there to help her.

Her eyes were closed, her lips a grim line. Nyota's head now rocked from side to side and she started to moan, her body rocked. He had seen such displays by Terrans before, especially when tragedy has been experienced. Although the greatest loss of her lifetime had been successfully brought to light, there was no joy, only the realization of an accumulation of all her grief.

Finally she sat silent as a stone and then said,

"I must go to my past so I can go on with my future;"

Spock understood immediately her need. She had to go back back to Vios I.

"I will speak to the captain. We will depart as soon as possible."

She simply nodded. Nyota's arms were folded across her chest, a defensive pose, indicative of what she knew lay ahead. Kasper would pilot, Spock would file and program the flight plan. The star ship could not stray too far from its assigned travel coordinates but it brought them as close as possible to their destination.

Kasper was a very capable pilot. Spock and Nyota sat side by side in the shuttles second row of seat. There was silence but eventually her hand inched over and rested on his sleeved arm. Her eyes fixed on his and stayed.

The shuttle landed not twenty-five feet from a burnt out structure and from the open door they observed that it had no roof, there were a few charred standing beams and from one of them, held by one hinge was a door that rhythmically swung back and forth. Spock held her elbow and guided her off the ship. Kasper refused to revisit that nightmare and chose to sit on the ship's entry steps.

Nyota hesitatingly walked up the incline as Spock assisted her. They entered the burnt-out shell.

She turned around, attempting to get her bearing. This had been their room. A small moan cut the silence and she sank to her knees.

Spock knew she would have to process this by herself but he stood at the ready.

"Clurt, why did you not ask me? she whispered. I was your wife. I should have had some say in the matter. I am a woman, not a child."

She began to rock and then placed her face in her hands.

Spock thought, 'When it is over is this what humans view as a victory?

Nyota was now speaking her mother tongue, she had taken on the roll of a griot.* Many names are mentioned and with each recitation of a name the rocking lessens. The last name mentioned is Clurt Drevi. Placing her face in her hands she whispered, 'Clurt, I forgive you.'

He stood quietly at her side, his deeply buried emotions affected by her display of grief. The closest degree of loss he had experienced related to his unborn siblings. He recalled his mother's inconsolable sorrow. His father's helplessness and his mother's prolonged isolation. As he recalled she had shut herself off in darkness also. But she had prevailed and came out more resilient. The bond between she and his father so vibrant it almost hummed like the strings of a ka'athyra.

Spock was able to determine the point of combustion and saw something shining in the mound of ash. He walked over and retrieved two melted nuggets of gold. He bounced them in the palm of his hand. As he approached she stood up and proclaimed.

"I am free."

He held his poised hand over hers and asked her to open hers. He dropped the two metal nuggets into her palm. For a few seconds she looked at them and recognized their source. She looked up at Spock and dropped them into the dust.

As she started to walked toward the door she stopped and faced him and tentatively held his arm,

Spock looked deeply into her eyes and said,

"What is passed, is passed. If you wish, we are the future."

He drew her close and she rested her head on his chest and although they stood in the midst of ruin he thought about the symbol of eternity, The Phoenix, that always rose from the ashes.

He took her elbow and guided her back to the craft and to a new life.

FINIS

A/N Thank you so much for reading. This has been a great ride. To readers and/or reviewers, THANKS.

Botsey

*griot is an oral historian


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